Mince Pie Do!!

Here are a couple of photos of the hangers on at the mince pie do today!!! Like the hair, Natalie, but you should drink red wine to match and out of a silver goblet and pretend it's blood!!!!! Less of my fantasies..................... hope you all had a good time.

Stathes gets the prize for Greek Boozer of the Year but he seemed very happy, so why not? And Linda - why did you hide that lovely smile?

New idea for abstract painting

Hi all

Scribbled this on my white-board yesterday as a bit of inspiration (otherwise known as "madness") arrived for a new painting. This is just a black white-board pen but the real painting could be in greys and black I think. It's Beethoven by the way......

Christmas Has Come Early!!!!!

Well, today we had the earliest Christmas lunch ever. Since one of our group - Faridah - is going home to Malaysia at the weekend, we held our lunch today so that she wouldn't miss the festive celebrations. Here are some photos - notice the great one of Stu in the background!

The Trees Are Looking At You !!!!!

This weekend, I found a tree with eyes! I've often thought the calouses that form, when a branch splits or falls off the main trunk of a tree, look like eyes! Here is a photo I took of a tree watching us - if you look very closely, it's got a tear falling from one of its eyes!!!





Here are two other photos, taken by my eldest son Matt - Saturday (29th Nov) was very very cold (just above freezing) and foggy, but these are quite atmospheric I think.

Chicken Fight 1 SOLD!!!!

Well, today I said goodbye to my Chicken Fight 1 painting (shown) that was bought by someone at work. It's sad when a painting goes - you can replace it I guess with a similar version but never exactly the same. Anyway, I hope the buyer enjoys it and uses it as a marketing ploy to encourage his friends, family and colleagues to visit my blog with the viewing of buying up my entire portfolio! If anyone is interested in buying more, I've added guide prices (negotiable a bit) to the gallery at the bottom of this blog.

Changing the subject, I've become a successful alchemist! I've managed to think up a 3 step process for changing lead into silver! See image below! Have a nice evening......

Stu-ey Hew-ey

This is Stu - member of the NMEG group and our coolest and most fashionable member probably. Semi-pro ice hockey player as well, biceps like wedges of beef! Have a good weekend all.

New Group Photo!!!!

Just had a new research group photo outside the department.

Left to right: Stu Brittle (porphyrins), Mark Sugden (gold nanoparticles) , The Old Geezer Himself, Noorh Al-Seny (Nano-scale Structures), Lee Hague (organic transistors), Faridah Supian (calixarenes), Javi Roales Batanero (porphyrins), Benedek Poor (porphyrins).

More later.........

42 !!!!!

Many thanks to Stephen Ashcroft who called in this afternoon to show me a copy of the book: "So long, and thanks for all the fish" by Douglas Adams. The great thing about this was that the book was signed....................... and even better, it was signed by Douglas Adams himself!!!!!!

He can't stay away!!!

You just get rid of him once and before you know it, he comes back!! Today, my friend and colleague David L from Hull Univ came over so we could put the finishing touches to our latest joint grant application. Also, he comes over for a nice glass of red which I always furnish him with. He brought over a giant yellow bog-plunger to fix our department's blocked drain problem!

Above: "John's van", now run

by John's son, Jez.

Also, thanks to Linda S (from our main office) who brought me a giant apple from her garden to add to my "Time Vase" - three apples now, two well on the way to oblivion. I couldn't resist showing you a photo of my eldest lad, dressed up for Sheffield's Fright Night in late October. He usually looks fairly normal but not on this occasion.

Left: arty photo Below: Mein Gott!Time Vase

The Cooler (my method for dealing with wayward undergraduates!)

Extra-solar Planets!

Take a look at this!! This is nicked from the bbc.co.uk website today and shows some real (exo)-planets orbiting a star only 25 light years away!! Now for those non-scientists out there, 25 light years is the distance light would travel in 25 years - light travels at 300 million metres per second, so it goes an awful long way in 25 years.....BUT, this distance is actually very short in astronomical terms. Many galaxies are about 100,000 light years across*, and there are millions of galaxies that fit into our Universe...... you get the picture. We're looking at real planets here that are still there - ie the light from many distant galaxies that we observe from Earth now, actually left those galaxies millions of light years ago and hence by now, they may have completely changed or even collided with neighbouring galaxies. In the case of these planets, the light left them 25 years ago in 1983!! Any intelligent (or it may be more accurate to say non-intelligent) lifeforms may just be watching the very early episodes of The Bill! It's unlikely there is life on these particular planets, however, but you never know! After all, they have found thriving bacteria populations at the centre of volcanoes on Earth and even in nuclear reactor vaults, so life can certainly exist in hostile environments.

*A colleague of mine, Susan C, has just told me that the distance from the Earth to the centre of our Galaxy is about 25,000 light years and we are only about half way in.

Have a great weekend!

Sunrise over Sheffield

Luckily, I had my camera with me today to grab the two shots above. Busy day ahead with my Durham talk to prepare, Mark S at 11-12 and then a UCAS parents' lunch (ie parents of new applicants who would start their degrees next September) and tours after lunch. Nothing planned tonight so I think it's a homemade (not by me) curry and then a nice bottle of Rioja maybe! Have a good day.

Solar Sighting in Sheffield

Hello again - posting number 2 today!!!!!

The last few days have been completely cloud-covered in Sheffield - we haven't seen the Sun in ages. But this morning, we have a bit of blue sky* and there's a large yellow object in it!!!! I thought I'd snap a few views of the trees I can see from my office! Here they are:

*Mentioning blue sky reminds me of a time I was working in a lab in Paris (CNET, Bagneux). Work was going quite well but all the staff I was working with went home at 5pm (a bell actually sounded to mark the end of the day!) so the evenings were lonely affairs, walking the streets of Paris** and building up courage to go into Parisien restaurants on my own. Anyhow, in one such restaurant, I was halfway through my horse-steak (and I'm not joking*** - it was delicious and must have come from good stock, very Shergar-esque) and my relatively fed-up mood was lifted when I saw the words on a sign above an archway in the room, saying "Il y a toujours des choses qui font apparaitre les ciels bleu!" If you speak some French, then don't read the next sentence and work it out for yourselves, but for non-French-speaking people, it means "There are always things to make the skies look blue". I think this is a great expression to help keep our peckers up when we're feeling low. Aww!! Isn't that Richardson bloke a big softie?

**Did you know that the famous song "Streets of London" written by Ralph McTell (released in 1974) was actually written while he was in Paris? Si, es verdad!!!

***I have eaten a rather large range of the animal kingdom in my time, probably more than most. Horse is on the list as mentioned above, so is dog (Beijing, 1996), octopus (Japan several times), various Mongolian creatures (China and Taiwan 1996 and 1997), Atom Bomb Soup (Japan - our host, the boss on Sony in Yokohama, called it that, not us), sea urchin (the worst thing I have ever experienced, Japan) and probably cat although I can't be certain.

Apples

Thought it was about time I showed you how my Apple Art pieces are doing. The original Shrinking Apple is the decayed blob at the bottom of the wine glass, now joined with a fresher apple which can view its own destiny. The Time Vase was set up in October and is going to end up with about 7-8 apples all in progressive states of decay, conveying the sense of time, ageing, gravity and destiny. Hope you like them. Modern art rocks!

End of Uncle Tim's Bit of PHY101!!!

Tonight marked the last of my lectures in PHY101 Motion, Forces & Energy! Thanks to all 140 PHY101 students who made it a really enjoyable course to teach. In an interview afterwards, Uncle Tim was quoted as saying "I must say chaps and chapesses, the deafening applause at the end was the loudest so far in my teaching career! And it was heartening to see that some of you even managed to stay awake!" Seriously, you're a great bunch and Uncle Tim is always in D21 for you if you have any problems.

Other events today - I burnt my toast this morning, but that's cool, I love burnt toast. It reminds me of childhood when times were hard, and my mother didn't wash the potatoes to bulk up the stew with a bit of good ol' Yorkshire mud!

Hasta luego, y espero que todos pasan un buen semana de Reading. Uncle Tim xxx

Javi and Lee welcome drink!

Well, we've just had a quick welcome drink for my new postgrad student, Lee Hague from Elsecar near Barnsley, and Javi Roales from Sevilla in Spain. Lee will serve a full 3 year term with me as prison warden and Javi gets off lightly with only a 3 month stint to do.

They are both good 'uns and I think their time in our group will be very productive. My Spanish will come on a treat as well.

Hasta manana, Il Padrino (si, entiendo que eso esta italiano!)

Hanwellian Return!!!

The great Marcus Hanwell returned to Sheffield this week. He gave a talk yestereday on his work in Pittsburgh - it was great to see him discuss "Marcus Theory" without so much as a flinch. The two of us (everyone else had gone off elsewhere) spent an enjoyable hour in the Interval Bar supping a wonderful pint (one each) of Moonshine and eating a bag of salt and vinegar McCoys - heaven. I also got the great man laughing by telling him two fo my favourite jokes - the one about the beer barrel on the 1700s sailing ship, and the other about the three sisters with big hands!

No! Of course I can't tell them on my blog!!

Great to see Marcus again. He's around most of next week if any of you want to phone him or email him or catch up in person. Ciao for niao, Timbiao

Life is getting a bit easier!

Hola todos mis amigos y amigas!!!

Thankfully, work is getting very slightly less busy now that 4 teaching weeks are nearly over! And so the blogging might return soon with more postings.

News: great to hear from Silvia today after believing she had relocated to an Outer Mongolian village - I'll reply this afternoon to your email Silvia. Your life sounds very exciting!

Tonight is when I do my annual angular momentum demonstrations to first year students! This is seriously dangerous stuff - I stand on a one metre wide lecture bench front of class on a turntable and then do crazy things with heavy wheels that involves a lot of rotation. Might not sound too bad, but you can imagine how dizzy you get. It's hard to stay on the bench. Wish me luck!!!

Also, I'm planning on showing the students a CD viewed down a high power microscope. If you haven't every looked down a microscope at a CD before, you haven't lived!!!! It's quite a mind-boggling thing to think about how what you see is translated into the musical strains of your favourite bands! It's all about 1's and 0's of course. I'll try to post a picture sometime.

Well, must run now, lots to do. Hoping to do a bit of painting this weekend - can feel some strange images trying to get out of my fingers! Brace yourselves for some weird art.

Friday Laugh!

Following the problems in the sub-prime lending market in America uncertainty has now hit Japan.
In the last 7 days Origami Bank has folded Sumo Bank has gone belly up Bonsai Bank announced plans to cut some of its branches. Yesterday, it was announced that Karaoke Bank is up for sale and will likely go for a song, while today shares in Kamikaze Bank were suspended after they nose-dived. While Samurai Bank is soldiering on following sharp cutbacks, Ninja Bank is reported to have taken a hit, but they remain in the black. Furthermore, 500 staff at Karate Bank got the chop and analysts report that there is something fishy going on at Sushi Bank where it is feared that staff may get a raw deal.

I'm back!!!!!

Hello All

Sorry for the long absence! It's been a gruelling couple of weeks! But the new first years are nicely set up now for their long journey ahead. They are a really nice bunch of students and better organised than last year's.

Nothing to report and no photos today but I'll try to get back on track next week.

Best wishes for a great weekend, Tim

Enrolment Day 2008

Yippee! Today and tomorrow mark the Enrolment event in the Octagon Centre for all new students. I get to sit in there for 8 hours per day and enrol all of our 130 new students. There's usually free drinks including hot chocolate - who said there was no god? By the way, the Octagon Centre has 18 sides, not 8 as you would expect!

No real news - life has been dominated by getting ready for this week and the next 12.

More when I come out of this dazed state in a few days.................

Desperation and Frustration!!!! And Sir Alex!

Quick question to all of you out there:

If you were told you are no good at doing something that you had to pay a lot of money to pursue, and there was plenty of real evidence supporting this claim, would you continue to do it?

Surely, most of you will answer "no"?

So, why is it that when I give very strong advice to first year undergraduate students who have failed their first year that they should not consider repeating their first year again (costing them typically an extra £8000 if you include living costs and fees), they write to me a few days later, saying "I want to repeat first year again"!! Their chances of success are very low, yet they are prepared to pay thousands of pounds risking it!

If Sir Alex Ferguson offerred me a 6 month placement in Manchester costing £10k in which he gave me the chance of being picked for the first team if I was good enough, and at the end of the placement he may say something like: (Laughter, and a Scottish accent) "Richardson, you have three left feet, you can't kick the ball in a straight line, and you fall over when your grandmother breathes on you and you wouldn't play in my team for all the haggis in Scotland!", I think I would take the hint. BUT some of these undergrads just say the equivalent of: "Oh, Sir Alex - I can work harder and I can learn to score goals of the season and win trophies, really!" What does it take to get through to some of these people!?

IF ANYONE HAS ANY SUGGESTIONS PLEASE TELL ME QUICK BEFORE I GO MAD!!!!

Doctor Nick Hardy!!!

The presentation of the traditional coin in the cork!

(above) Tim, Stu, Mark, Faridah, Benedek, Nick. (above right) Mark in his natural habitat.

(left) Stu, Mark, Faridah, Ben, Sasha, Nick

(left) Before!!!!

Well, he's done it! Nick has passed his PhD viva and is now doctored!!!

Well done to Nick - it's been a stressful day, not helped by very slow staff at Antonio's Flying Pizza restaurant, but it's over and PhD number 20 is in the bag! Here's the before and after photos! Have a great weekend all, especially to you Sid - keep in touch and keep flying the "diamond" flag. One day, "Diamond" will mean something different to a structural facility in the South!!!

"Hardy" Day!!

Today is Nick Hardy's PhD viva - the most important test of any scientist's career!! I'm just waiting for Nick to arrive now, wondering how he will be feeling and remembering back to 1989 when I was in the same position! Nearly 20 years! Come on Nick - you can do it!

There'll be some photos going up within the next hour of "before the viva" and some later of "after the viva"!

I've got a rubbish cold at the moment so feeling pretty groggy; maybe I'll get the lurgies out of my system before term starts for once this year. Anyhow, here's my latest art offering - it's called "Courtship". Let me know what you think.

More later, Tim Moth

LHC, 140 students, sanity!

Morning All

Well, today is Big Bang Day! Fingers crossed that this won't be my last post! Of course, there is more chance that I'll be slapped in the face by a live, smoked haddock than the world will end, so those of you who are worried (Donna and Amanda) need not!

I'm tired this morning so this post is a bit dry. I just wanted to air the fact that my major stress at the moment is organising things for the arrival of ~140 students for this coming year's First Year. Five years ago we had around 60 students - if only my salary scaled at the same percentage. I guess we lecturers shouldn't grumble too much about wage rises though since the paydeal worked out a couple of years ago means that we get inflation this September and inflation is HIGH! So we should get about 5% which is pretty good really!

Been invited to my alma mater (Durham Univ) to give a talk in November - that will be nice to go back again. I have this secret hope that one day, there'll be a Professorship there for me to fill, but then again there are a number of places I would love to go to be a Professor at: Bangor Univ is one that you might be surprised about, but there is a magic about the place and of course nearby Anglesey, that is often in my mind. Durham I've mentioned, Sheffield another (this place isn't so bad after all), or somewhere like Canterbury either the UK one or the New Zealand one! Our friends Paul and Caron are going to NZ and they say that when we visit, we'll never want to come back.

Well, that's it for now - just got a lot to do now as I'm sure most of you reading this have. Have a great day!

Leverhulme, Weight and Calling A Spade A Spade

Afternoon


Just a quick post about the Leverhulme Trust. Has anyone had any experience of successfully getting funds from the LT? I'm probably going to lead an International Network application and any advice would be gratefully received. Might apply for direct research funds as a separate bid as well.

Photo: Canadian geese and their kids at the Yorkshire Sculpture Park, June 2008.

And one or two of you friends have asked if my weight loss programme is continuing well. The answer is yes - I temporarily levelled off at 14 st 12 lb for the last fortnight, but the last weigh-in suggests that my metabolism has restarted as I'm now 14 st 10 lb. So that's 19 lb in 7 weeks so far. Probably on target to reach my target weight by early - mid December. Thanks for your support and to those of you are still calling me "fat _______d" - that really does help, seriously. People are too kind to fat overweight bloaters in the UK. Being told you are too fat means that you are more likely to do something about it! Calling a spade a spade is a forceful and truthful way to make a difference. One final mention to my friend William B who now works in Oxford amongst the dreaming spires - thanks for always keeping in touch William, you're a good 'un! Have a great weekend to all.

Art, Canterbury Tales, Projects and The Old Man

Waiting for me this morning was an email from my good pal Simon H from University of Kent at Canterbury. It has to be said that he isn't the best at keeping in touch but he had some good news about a paper that has been accepted by Journal of Polymer Science Part A: Polymer Chemistry. And he's keen to collaborate which is even better news - I'm really looking to boost my interests in polymers.

Today's main task is to think up a load of ideas for 3rd (BSc) and 4th (MPhys) final year undergrad projects. I like to submit some "unusal" projects as well as more standard ones, so in recent years I've had a "novel physics board game", "Physics journalism", "Murder Mystery Physics" as well as more research-oriented, lab-based projects. I'm toying with the idea of "Time Management Skills for Physics Students" as a possibility? If any of you blog-followers have any ideas - either research-related (Frank D) or out-of-the-box - please let me know today!!!

It's my dad's birthday on Friday so I've got to buy that card today - forgot again yesterday. He's 73, going on 21............ he still does about 200 miles per week on his bike (remember this is a push-bike we're talking about, not a Harley) and is still knocking out incredible time-trial times at the cycling club he's in. He does 10 miles in about 25 minutes, even at 73!

And finally, here's a photo of a recent painting - it's not in the right frame yet, this is just an old junky one, but tell me what you think. It's a bit more oriental in style and will probably end up being called something like "Chinese Chickens in a Brawl".

I hope you all have a great day! The sun is out here in Sheffield at the moment, or as I like to say in Spanish "el sol toca la guitarra".

Early Morning Laugh

Above: Shrinking Apple Mark 2.

Right: Bella & Frog.

Below: part of our garden.

Morning All
I arrived at work this morning at 7.45 and 5 minutes later, having changed from cycling to work clothes, I walked towards the coffee room, only to see a Professorial colleague and fellow member of the department who shall remain anonymous, struggling to open up his office, ready for the day's work ahead. I gave him a slightly puzzled look as I said "Morning" to which he mumbled his reciprocal reply, followed shortly after by "My key won't work for some reason." And then - and I'd already begun laughing inside at this point - he added, "Oh, damn. This isn't my office, it's Ed's. I'm on the wrong floor!" It's heartening to know that even world-renowned Professors do daft things like this from time to time. Nice one, Neil!

I can't talk of course - I once put an electric plastic kettle on a gas ring! I've never heard my mother shout so loudly!

Well, busy day ahead today - finishing off my part of a proposal my mate David from Hull Uni and I are writing. If it's funded, David says it will be his last project before retirement. It would be nice to have the honour of working with him at the end of his service. Also, must remember to get my dad a birthday card and send it. I'll stick a cheque in and a home-made bike voucher since he spends most of his money on bikes, even as a 73 year old!

Eastern Morning

This morning brings two visitors to the shores of the NMEG group. Aseel Hassan (Sheffield Hallam) and Tamara Basova (Russia) will be visiting me and using a spin-coater as well as discussing possible new joint projects. Welcome to them.

Other news? None yet. Next week marks the beginning of the madness when I have to start devoting quite a bit of time to the organisational aspects of a new first year intake of around 130!!! Five years ago it was 60! What have I done to deserve so much custom? I really will have to win the lottery in order to escape this crazy academic world we live in! But then how would I cope without my beloved Langmuir-Blodgett films?

Have a great day and even greater weekend! See you next week.

Recent News

Hi All
Sorry for the absence for a few days. What's new? Well, I've been marking re-sit exam papers. Some students have indeed redeemed themselves but a few have repeated their first sitting performance and one or two have actually got worse! No-one did what a student in a neighbouring department did though. Apparently they wrote on their exam script, "This exam is ----". The missing word didn't rhyme with "duck", or "pit", but did with "bank", and for that misdemeanour they were thrown out of the University!! It's not as if they would have any plausible defence. "I didn't mean to write that, sir, honestly. I was drunk and high and didn't know what I was doing". "That's quite understable, sonny", the Dean would reply. "We won't throw you out for bad language. We'll throw you out for substance abuse instead!"

I've just started planning a big paper I've been asked to write about all of our porphryin work to date. It's going to be a big job to get it done for the mid-October deadline but it should look good on the ol' CV when it's done. And today Faridah and I have written her first abstract for a conference in Malaysia in December - she's going to that one as part of an extended trip back home. Lab news - we're soon to get a new air conditioner for the clean room which will make working in there more comfortable and will reduce sales in "Sure for Men" substantially and also within the next month, we've been granted part of a new lab room to complement the existing lab space. It's only around 10m2 but it'll mean we can move some non-chemically sensitive gear out of the main lab and free up room there to expand our pollution-inducing sensor experiments.

Well, the only other news is non-work; my new "silent" guitar has apparently arrived today. This will enable me to practice anywhere without causing my wife to shout "Christ! Can't you play something with a tune for once?!" on a daily basis. You may be thinking what a silent guitar is? Well, it's not a guitar without any strings, although certainly that would be silent. It's basically one with a pick-up and collapsible sides to enable you to travel with it. It's got its own pre-amp so you use headphones or it will drive a decent size amp if you want, although that would convert the "silent" into "bleeding noisy" of course. Anyhow, I'll report in a day or two on its attributes.

Finally, a mention to my greatest "blogreader" - Ben R from Bangor - thanks Ben for reading my blog. It's great to know that there is at least one (and probably only one) daily reader out there! Much appreciated and enjoy the quiet while the boss is away!!!

Big Irish Day

Today we've got Mary Deasy from Tallaght Institute in Dublin visiting us. Mary is a calixarene chemist whose materials we've been working on recently. We're reporting on what we've done and then hopefully getting advice from Mary on sensing work.

Weight news: now down to 14 st 13 lb, so sub-15 stone for the first time in ages!

More later.......

New painting

Just a very brief post this morning to show you my latest painting. It's called "Land A'hoy!", click on the image to get a full-size view and tell me if you like it, or if you don't. If you want it, make me an offer - the full frame size is about 18 inches x 14 inches (those good ol' imperial measurements again!). The frame itself cost £20 so if you want the frame, then the lowest offer must be £20.01 !! Best wishes for a nice day - it's pouring with rain here. I got soaked cycling to the tramstop but it was a good challenge nonetheless.

MONOLAYER EATING EXPERIMENT ON YOUTUBE!!

Just to say that the Monolayer Eating Demonstration is now on "!youtube". Please watch and rate: http://uk.youtube.com/watch?v=4dRuX8xJVmQ. Tell all your friends (especially science people).

Lead in the subphase and my lonely bike

Morning all

Yesterday Faridah showed me some samples she had made using lead nitrate (or it might have been acetate) in the water subphase. The monolayer contained a carboxylic acid group that should take up the lead. She used pH of around 7.5 I think. The question is this - the films were frosty in appearance and seemed to contain white crystallites (we're looking down the microscope today to get more info). So you inorganic chemists out there, what might be happening? Could we be precipitating some lead salt or oxide perhaps? If so, would you reckon that exposure to H2S might convert it to the sulphide? It doesn't really matter if the film contains inorganic crystals after deposition so long as they are nanoparticulate (obviously we're seeing large clusters with our eyes); our objective you see is to form nanoparticulate PbS eventually. Any comments very welcome - thanks.

OK, this morning's images are of (i) my bike that is left in the rack at about 6.50am each morning only to be on its own for the whole day. You may think this is an invitation to more bike thiefs but they don't know where it is left and of course I've now booby-trapped it! Have a great day all; (ii) my "Canadian leaf" - I gave this English Maple leaf to a friend and former colleague from Canada - Jamie Forrest - when he worked here in Sheffield way back around the mid-late 90s. When he left he gave it back to me as a keepsake. I've still got it and it's doing well at an age of at least 10 years, maybe more.

Singing in the rain

Today (5th August) heralded a visit from my good ol' friend David Lacey from Hull University. We've worked together for years and it's always good to share lighthearted insults as we always do. To an outsider, it would look as though we didn't like each other, but it's the English sense of humour that lets you mickey take like we do. I promised him I wouldn't post the photograph of his arrival today on this blog. Well, promises often get broken........

Click on the image to see exactly how surprised he was to see me lurking like a paparazzi for him with my camera! And for all you Mediterraneans, remember today is 5th August!!!!

Scum-bag Thiefs and Early Morning Modern Art

My son Matt's photo of our French friend's tea!

Greetings from sunny Sheffield

Well, last night I got off the tram and walked to the bike-shelter whereI'd left my push-bike, only to find that some scum-bag had stolen my pump and repair tools from my saddle bag! Usually I take my saddle bag off my bike and keep it on me, but I'd forgotten yesterday just the one time, and bingo, along comes a low-life and steals the stuff! This is one of Britain's greatest problems - lack of respect. I'm certain it's worse here than many countries - Spain, Greece, Italy, France, Turkey, Japan all have cultures where respect between people is a very important part of society, but here in England (in particular - Scotland is much better, at least away from the cities) the victim has little importance and the state spends millions of "re-educating" offenders with their soft-centred police-force and their welfare-state-do-good-handout system that elevates criminals to hero status. OK, I'm getting carried away - the theft of a bike-pump is no cause for such an outburst, is it? Well, actually, yes it is! A bike-pump today is a bike tomorrow and a car the next day and a burglary the next - lock them up in a cold and dark room with bread and water for a week, that's what I say, even for a bike-pump and then scale up the punishment accordingly. Give the victim a token to replace his/her stolen goods and take it out of the benefit system. Wow - I used to be left wing; never has a man swung so violently to the right, eh?

OK, next, my "Shrinking Apple" that was received well in the department's Art Exhibition this year has developed. The image as you see shows the original apple, now in a pretty disgusting state of decay, along with another apple (about 3 weeks old) beginning its journey. I'm looking out for a tapered glass vase so that I can create the Mother of All Shrinking Apples containing a series of apples in progressive states of decay down to the bottom of the vase for next year's exhibition. I will use these two apples and hopefully add around 7 or 8 more! Have a great day and remember to unclip your saddle bags!!!!